Not me
by Mekaku Actor
Summary: Hiroto thinks he's nothing but a replacement, he feels as though he doesn't have his own identity. He was named after the deceased son of Kira Seijirou, Kira Hiroto. Is he cursed to live under his shadow for the rest of his life?


A/N:

Here you have some sort of depressive one-shot. I got this idea a while ago but I rewrote this over a trillion times and I'm still not satisfied with the result, but I figured that if I didn't post this day I would never do it.

**To clarify: **let's say this is set after aliea gakuen and let's keep with the headcanon of the game about Kira Hiroto's death (I mean, supposedly it had happened 10 years already when the aliea gakuen ocurred).

**Warnings: **ooc and probably mistakes

I own nothing but the plot.

yojnE

* * *

"Hiroto," the female shouting that name was already tired and the worry she felt was reflected on her face.

The boy being called didn't even make acknowledge that he had heard Hitomiko, but he had. Certainly, despite the sound of the rain fussing over his ears and the lack of light; he could tell she was very near.

Hitomiko observed how Hiroto continued kicking the ball against the wall near the entrance of the orphanage, though this time his shoots were stronger. Subconsciously, the grasp on the umbrella she was using to protect herself tightened.

He didn't want to talk with her. She was one of the last people he wanted to see at that moment.

"Hiroto," Hitomiko repeated quietly, she was aware that he was pretending he couldn't hear her. With slow steps, she approached him, making a squeaking noise whenever her feet left the mud.

Hiroto couldn't take it anymore and winced when he heard Hitomiko's voice shouting his name again. He caught the ball in mid-air when it bounced off the wall toward him, instead of kicking it.

"Stop calling me that," he uttered harshly as he brushed away some locks of his wet hair.

"Hiroto?" Hitomiko asked calmly, replacing the umbrella so it was protecting both of them.

"You and I both know that's not my real name…" Hiroto whispered, taking a side glance to Hitomiko.

A glance that pierced through Hitomiko's memories and reached her heart.

* * *

_Hitomiko opened the door to her room and sighed in melancholic as she took a glimpse of it. It was her room since 6 months ago but she still couldn't get use to it, despite her useless efforts to make it seem like she was at home. _

_She entered in the room and went straight to her bed, putting on it the backpack she used for school. She unzipped it and rummaged through it, searching for the things she would need to do her homework._

_As she was taking out her notebooks, someone knocked on her door. It was a soft knock and she immediately knew her dad was the one at the other side of the door._

_"Come in,"she said quietly and the door opened._

_Her dad stood on the doorway hesitating, smiling nonetheless._

_"Something happened?" she inquired as she noticed the nervous way he clasped his hands together, she suspected he was going to talk of a touchy subject._

_"I want you to meet someone," he mumbled, evading the curious glance Hitomiko was giving him, he beckoned for her to follow him._

_Hitomiko wanted to ask who was so important for her to meet, there were really rare ocassions when her father decided to introduce her someone. Somehow reluctant, she followed him for the curiosity got the best of her, why did he look so nervous?_

_With decided steps she went down the stairs, where her father was waiting her . He was talking with a little boy with a smile plastered on his face and she quirked an eyebrow, clearly questioning him.__Her father in answer spun the boy in his place with a soft move, placing him in a way he was facing her._

_Hitomiko caught her breath as soon as he took a glance of the boy's face. He was almost a replica of his deceased brother, except he seemed to have lighter hair and eyes color. She felt tears welling up on her eyes and she glared at her father, speechless._

_"I renamed him Hiroto..." he stated with bitterness._

_Hiroto frowned out of concern and pulled the sleeve of the shirt Mr. Kira was wearing._

_"Who is she? And why is she crying?" he asked innocently._

_Hitomiko was still stunned from the shock and shook her head, as if in that way the little boy would disappear. She felt as though she was looking at a ghost._

_"She is Hitomiko and from now on she will be your older sister," Mr. Kira told the little boy, patting his head with affection. He didn't explain him why she was crying because it seemed unnecessary at that time._

_Hiroto's eyes widened as a smile spread on his face, "nee-san?"_

_Hitomiko covered her mouth with her hand, the lump knotting in her throat didn't let her speak._

_The little boy walked to her and streched out his arms, clearly asking her to take him in her arms. Hitomiko wanted to refuse to do that, but the way his eyes twinkle along with his hopefully smile made her did quite the contrary._

_Once in Hitomiko's trembling arms, Hiroto chuckled softly and rested his head in her shoulders, putting his arms around her neck to hold better, "Hitomiko-nee."_

_Hitomiko didn't want to ask from where the boy had come, she was sure he was a new orphan. _

_Mr. Kira watched them silently, wondering if he had done the right thing._

* * *

Hitomiko put a cup of hot chocolate on the table, right in front of where Hiroto was sitting, he didn't notice though or else he would have taken it immediately. She studied him with an inquisitive look, but he was definitely lost in thoughts.

"Here you have," Hitomiko announced to catch Hiroto's attention, he was startled and seemed totally disoriented when he realized Hitomiko was next to him.

Hiroto couldn't hold eye contact with Hitomiko for more than a few seconds and pretended to be inspecting the hot chocolate. He took it absent-mindedly and stared at empty space again.

Hitomiko supressed a sigh, he was acting like that since she had forced him to enter to the orphanage. She didn't know if he was mad at her because of it but she just couldn't let him continue practicing in the middle of a storm. Hiroto had changed his clothes almost as soon as he entered in the orphanage, for Hitomiko had almost dressed himself so he would catch a cold. He was there only because Hitomiko wanted to speak with him, she couldn't let something like went by like nothing had happened.

"What's bothering you so much?" Hitomiko finally asked aloud, hoping Hiroto had actually heard her.

Hiroto didn't seem to react at first, but his gaze became unexpectedly sad and he faced Hitomiko.

"Would you still treat me like you do if your real brother was alive?" Hiroto asked, his voce sounded tight, as if he had a lump in his throat.

Hitomiko's gaze softed a little and her hands started to tremble, she didn't want to believed it when they were outside but now Hiroto was being pretty straightforward. She had always been afraid of the day when Hiroto asked something like that, she knew she wouldn't be able to answer questions like that.

"Hiroto..." Hitomiko started but found herself stopping, because she didn't know what to say.

"I thought so," Hiroto looked away and put the cup of hot chocolate on the table again.

Hitomiko shook her head, trying to put her thoughts in order. She couldn't let Hiroto continuing suffering like that.

"Don't take me wrong. You're Hiroto and I love you for who you are, not because you were named after my brother," Hitomiko's voice was surprinsingly firm.

Hiroto turned to look at Hitomiko and glared at her, "you're such a liar, you know that if I didn't look like the authentic Kira Hiroto you wouldn't love me nor would you even bother to take care of me."

Hitomiko pressed her lips together, restraining herself to shout at him, did he really think she just loved him for her brother's sake?

"That's completely false. If what you're saying was true, I wouldn't take care of the others either," Hitomiko said matter of factly but Hiroto leapt from his seat, nearly dropping the not so hot chocolate anymore.

"I'm afraid...that when father looks at me, he just looks his long deceased son. I'm afraid everyone who love me just do it for what I'm not, I can't even remember my real name," Hiroto was almost shouting at her, clenching his fists like he was prepared to hit something.

"But I love you and each of you who live in the orphanage, can't you see that you have become my family? It's probably that if my brother wasn't dead, I wouldn't have met any of you, I wouldn't have love you and I wouldn't have care because I wouldn't know of any of your existences. Certainly, that's not what happened," Hitomiko took a deep breath since her voice had started trembling. "My brother's actually dead and for him is that I met all of you, and I don't regret it. I'm never going to look back."

At that rate, silent tears were already sliding over Hiroto's cheeks. Hitomiko approached him and put her arms around him, holding him maybe a little too tight. Hiroto closed his eyes, grateful for the hug. His tensed muscles relaxed immediately and he embraced her as well.

"I love you, Hiroto," she whispered, sort of glad that everything was kind of solve, or however you may call that.

"I love you too, nee-san" he murmured back. At least he was sure that someone actually care for him, Kiyama Hiroto.

* * *

The end.

A/N:

I guess it all seems rushed...sue me

I'm sorry if there was anything you didn't like by the way.

Any kind of comment is accepted unless it's offensive without any reason(?)


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